My Whole Family... lyrics - bo burnham

(Uh, thanks. Umm...welcome to my show; it's called, "If You Sing Along I'll Fucking Kill You." Uh, this is a song.)

Everytime I go to dinner
it seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
I can talk; they're not able
When I look at them I find
there's a single question on their mind.
I wish it could go back to the way it was
its not easy now because...

My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess it's always been that way.
Maybe its cause of the way that I walk,
that makes them think that I like...boys
That I like boys

The goddamn question just wont go away
and I get asked every single day
but the way they ask it is not a disguise,
like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?" (That's...funny)
This is the worst, baby this was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear, because

My whole family now is shocked,
I'm in the closet and the door is locked.
Now my glory days are gone,
I was John Elway now I'm Elton John.

My whole family now suspects,
Watching Spongebob had side-effects.
I'm not gay and that's what I said,
If I'm gay, hey God strike me dead.

Just cause I'm afraid of the snow,
Or my favorite color is, the rainbow.
I don't mean to yell but i fear i must,
Cause I'm losing the people that i thought i could trust.

Because, even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay...motherfucker

You all probably think I'm gay,
Man this song is counterproductive ...
la la la la la…

Because my whole family thinks I'm gay,
What did they know anyway?
You gotta look right through the haze,
Easy-Bake oven was just a phase.

My whole family thinks I'm queer,
That is all I ever hear,
But I've been as straight as a ramp,
If you dont count Bible camp.