Bo Burnham other songs:

 

Cookout lyrics - Bo Burnham

You guys seem like you're on my side, right?

Alright, let’s change that...

Grab a seat

Have something to eat

Help yourself, it's all right

If you want a beer, they're over here

But we only got Coors Lite

Try a chip with my homemade dip

The stuff is outta sight

Right before bed, we’ll shave your head

Good to see you're dressed in white

'Cause it's a Klan cookout

'Cause it's a Klan cookout

Klan cookout

Here's my wife slash sister

She brightens up my day

She went away and I missed her

'Cause my mum’s a lousy lay

Don’t hang with foreign fellows

It'll only be your loss

Stay here and roast marshmallows

By the burning cross

At the Klan cookout

At the klan cookout

Dan’s on lookout

At the Klan cookout

And if you're black

Don't want to see your face

They're like a high school track

Just a stupid race

We got a plan

Kill all the Jews

Are you a Mexican

Because you seem confused

(Señor, KKK?)

It’s a Klan cookout

It's a Klan cookout

Mein Kampf?

Check that book out

At the Klan Kookout

All men are created equal

Man, that shit gets me pissed

Here's an idea for a sequel

Someone loses Schindler's List

I cook, I clean

'Cause I'm the hooded host

And on Halloween

I dress as a... slave owner

We hate Hispanics

Hence the 20-foot walls

And all you goddamn dirty Catholics

Can Catho-lick my balls

Ethnics give off weird aromas

And I can't understand

Why we need high school diplomas

With a Bible in hand

At the Klan Cookout

I have jewish friends

If You Want Love lyrics - Bo Burnham

You want a guy that's sweet

A guy that's tough

A feminist who likes to pay for stuff

The kinda guy that gets along with your friends

Without being attracted to any of them

A good boy, a bad boy, a good bad boy

A half good half bad half boy

Loves your brother sensitive but not weak and

Is a great lover calls your mother on the weekend

Now you might think that this guy only exists in your mind

Guess what

You're right

If you want love

Lower your expectations a few

Because Prince Charming would never settle for you

If you want love

Just pick a guy and love him

And if he's got a thing for feet

Say fuck it, sweep me off them

You want a girl that's nice

A girl that's not

Obsessed with her looks but is insanely hot

The kinda girl that you can show to your folks

Loves the movies that you like and always laughs at your jokes

A real girl, a hot girl, a really hot girl

A brand new really hot real doll

Wants to impress you doesn't care if you notice

And only ever uses you to tickle her throat with

Now you might think that this girl only exists in your mind

She's real

But last week

She died

If you want love

Lower your expectations a lot

You might think your dick is a gift I promise it's not

If you want love

Just pick a girl and love her

Then whip out your dick and let the

Girl you love decline the offer

I don't want a neat freak I don't want a slob

Or somebody with bedhead and a dead-end job

Cause I won't settle for less

Than perfect

We want perfect children, a perfect life

Perfect husband or a perfect wife

But deep down we know

We don't deserve it

But

We all deserve love

Even on the days when we aren't our best

Cause we all suck

But love can make us suck less

We all deserve love

It's the very best part of being alive

And I would know

I just turned twenty five

My "Little" Secret... lyrics - Bo Burnham

People think I'm tall, you probably do too,

Cause I got a big hat size and a 16 shoe. (and a 16 shoe)

As tall as a tree, but as wide as a twig,

To top it all off, my weener is a...tiny (my weener is tiny)

It doesn't make any sense, its only 2 1/2

Whenever I'm naked even Asians laugh

It'll be like nothing you've ever felt

I'm the only guy who needs a condom belt...(what?)

Please don't be mean, please don't be a jerk

I've tried all those pills trust me they don't work. (trust me they don't work)

If girth was a virtue, I'd end up in hell,

Right now I'm erect, and you can't even tell. (you can't even tell)

I hate myself, why isn't it long?

Did my circumcision go horribly wrong?

When my girlfriend saw it she started to sob,

"I can only give you a finger-job"

I wanna be the stud, now I'm the stooge.

It wouldn't be weird, if my balls weren't so huge. (but my balls are huge)

I guess it would be great if I was hung like a horse,

But I gotta let nature take its course... (nature take its course)

Just kidding I'm huge.

My Better Half lyrics - Bo Burnham

You filled the hole that pierced my soul. I promised I would find

someone willing to take a run round pleasures of my mind.

Am I a perv? 'Cuz every nerve is craving for you touch.

You make me laugh, you're my better half

though you're not twice as much.

350 pounds of love, you must have fell from up above

and killed the townspeople below.

You had a crush and you let it show.

When I want to pleasure you I need an expedition crew.

With all those trips to KFC

you eat out more than me.

We look just like the number 10 when you stand next to me.

Is it your stare that pulls me in, or just gravity?

You mix mayonaise with you scotch, you're the perfect spouse.

Last week we went on a whale watch,

the boat drove to you house.

350 pounds of pain, when you exhale Al Gore goes insane.

Whenever we make-out I taste jam and sauerkraut.

We went on a sailing trip,

you fell and floated beside the ship,

then the boat docked on your pants and said,

"I claim this island in the name of France."

That was a horrible French accent..

Then you did what I feared, you disappeared.

You said there was something new.

Liposuction, breast reduction-

what came home wasn't you.

No, no, no, no, it wasn't you.

It was 120 pounds of hate, and you said "I look great!"

And when the nurses removed the fat

they found the neighbors cat.

I just paused and said to her,

"I loved you just the way you were"

Then she smiled and, for my sake, she said, "Pass the cake."

Pass the cake,

pass the cake,

pass the cake.

Oh Pitbull lyrics - Bo Burnham

Oh Pitbull...

Oh Pitbull...Yeah

Pitbull, oh Pitbull, we don't understand

Cause you're not deaf, so you shouldn't have to rap and use your hands

(Oh yeah...)

Pitbull what were you doing, yeah, when you got into that car?

Yeah, you got into that car, yeah, you didn't get very far

And now you won't make it to homecoming

If I guessed where you were at, I'd say you were at home cumming

Oh Pitbull, oh Pitbull, we don't understand

Cause you're not deaf, so you shouldn't have to use your hands to rap

I said oh Pitbull, oh Pitbull, we don't understand

Cause you're not deaf, you're not deaf, so you shouldn't have to use your hands...

Oh we got a Pitbull problem, yeah, we got a Pitbull problem

Oh we got a Pitbull problem, oh, we got a Pitbull problem

Yeah, we got a Pitbull problem baby, yeah and its making me sick

Yeah, we got a Pitbull problem, please somebody call Michael Vick

Yeah, oh Pitbull, oh Pitbull...

(Oh Pitbull)

Now everyone do what Pitbull can't do and clap!

Pitbull, oh Pitbull, yeah we don't understand

Cause you're not deaf, so you shouldn't have to use your hands

Oh Pitbull, oh Pitbull, we don't understand

Oh maybe you couldn't just hold the microphone, maybe that's why

Oh wait, that makes no fucking sense, he has another hand

Oh Pitbull, now we're stuck with this fucking dorky white kid

Holy shit you ruined the whole year, congratulations, oh, congratulations!